La Pura Neta

I am a first born      first generation American        Mexican My name derives from my father’s mother María Magdalena      and my mother’s mother Carmen My mother wanted                   Mayan moon goddess Itzel                   or Hebrew princess Sarah names with roots other than our own No one in my family calls me by my first name María                a Latin                             Hebrew name for sea of bitterness, rebellion My family only calls me by my middle name Carmen                a Spanish                                  Latin name for ...

How funny are my kids today like when they were toddlers on my cellphone videos their laughter high pitched here I sit remembering happiness I’m tired of only focusing on their tantrums they love me even when I’m mad all I want is to have conversations with them where they divulge their thoughts and feelings and I nod understanding them annoying, overwhelming, tantrums are a sign of needing to release thoughts that trigger feelings—two things that always go together— and when the thoughts that trigger the feelings are known we can discuss a way to work through them and then for the rest of the day (what a virtual day) I can remember that tantrum and think the kids aren’t so bratty after all where is Angelina Jolie shopping at Target with her kids and Jon Voight at home waiting for a call from CBS outside my window people walk around without facemasks wondering if they will be gawked by face-maskers Palmer Park is filled with runners, walkers, and people swinging on over-complicated sin...

I was on a bus on my way to a new school, a high school on the south side of Chicago. I transferred to that school because I had moved into the area. The bus went south over a dark brick road bridge--it was dark because it was a gloomy day out--like the sky was heavy with rain. This new school was completely new--metal framework with floor-to-ceiling windows, open floors. The class body was mixed, with a majority being black and white students. I went to the second floor to wait in line at a check-in window. A very chatty boy behind me bumped into me and as I turned to look at him, we both felt an immediate attraction--we are both brown, we are both alternative. I'm reminded of my husband, I remembered I have a husband--maybe in that life or another--so I keep the boy in mind to feel less alone but ignore him as I wait in line. I'm outside in the vast woods that is the campus of the high school. There is a pond and there are green rolling hills of different sizes, all moving l...

We’re like kids              running under shooting               red fire hydrants, us,      standing in transparent tanks & heavy shorts under our home’s gutter drain.  “My turn,”                I remember you say but I don’t move. Instead,                I close my eyes &                remember mom,      twirling in her long denim-blue dress              on our porch                             under the rain. Mom would take us                outside in the rain                to bathe together,    ...

We fancied ourselves builders and decided to build a house in a one day. We collected planks of woods tossed in our alley, dug out left over arrow nails from the ground, and carried them together to the space beneath our Fletcher street porch. When we finished our south-facing wall one of us said Let’s make an experiment , and we both turned towards the blue plastic rain barrel that has always been underneath our porch. the blue plastic rain barrel filled with dads motor oil      :the environment our broken toys and those we found forgotten                   :the variables question:    if pushed down into the barrel which toys will drown                                     and which will be polished and playable again? We never finished building our porch house, We never finished the test, We left th...