I was on a bus on my way to a new school, a high school on the south side of Chicago. I transferred to that school because I had moved into the area. The bus went south over a dark brick road bridge--it was dark because it was a gloomy day out--like the sky was heavy with rain. This new school was completely new--metal framework with floor-to-ceiling windows, open floors. The class body was mixed, with a majority being black and white students. I went to the second floor to wait in line at a check-in window. A very chatty boy behind me bumped into me and as I turned to look at him, we both felt an immediate attraction--we are both brown, we are both alternative. I'm reminded of my husband, I remembered I have a husband--maybe in that life or another--so I keep the boy in mind to feel less alone but ignore him as I wait in line.
I'm outside in the vast woods that is the campus of the high school. There is a pond and there are green rolling hills of different sizes, all moving literally upward on the land. It's much darker out (rain threatening to fall) and there is one long white canopy ahead of me. There are wooden fold-out tables lined up together and some cardboard boxes--some closed up with brown tape, others opened neatly. I bring out my phone and see the picture of a black boy (who I know now in my awake state was Vince Staples). His name is Chad Ob. I see letters that make up his name in the space between my eyes and my phone C H A D O B G I N Y A O. I'm in love with him. I place my hand over my abdomen. I am pregnant with his child.
I put away my phone and through the white canopy, walk slightly to the left up a forest-green hill towards a crowd of teens under more lined up white canopies. I am now in the middle of the crowd pushing through. A beautiful girl, who I know is my friend, turns to me from up ahead and grabs hold my wrist. I push through with her help. MIKE! is a name yelled out in the crowd and I know they meant Chad. Chad and Mike are the same person. The crowd is there to see Mike. Upon the highest hill I am deep in the night. The school's building lights twinkle. The pond a computer-generated illusion. Then long heavy drops of rainwater slowly, orderly fall. I feel fear for I am now alone in a crowd of large men but then I take a deep breath a remember--its high school. Everyone here is a kid. I take long strides down the hill and as I reach the bottom I pull out my phone again. Chad's portrait is still on my phone but from this, I find out I am not the only with carrying a child. Another beautiful girl is pregnant with his kin. I am only ten weeks pregnant, I say in my head. I have time to abort the baby. I go to the bus stop where other kids wait. Maybe I should keep the baby because there is love involved. I look down and find Jerry chilling on the ground, one leg folded up while the other is stretched out. I should get an abortion, I say to myself as I continue looking at him. I am interested in learning about him--a person I do not know now. I am interested in learning more about someone I used to know as a child. As the bus arrives, Jerry gets up, wipes off his pants (I should maybe get an abortion, why not? I say to myself) and then I wake up.
I'm outside in the vast woods that is the campus of the high school. There is a pond and there are green rolling hills of different sizes, all moving literally upward on the land. It's much darker out (rain threatening to fall) and there is one long white canopy ahead of me. There are wooden fold-out tables lined up together and some cardboard boxes--some closed up with brown tape, others opened neatly. I bring out my phone and see the picture of a black boy (who I know now in my awake state was Vince Staples). His name is Chad Ob. I see letters that make up his name in the space between my eyes and my phone C H A D O B G I N Y A O. I'm in love with him. I place my hand over my abdomen. I am pregnant with his child.
I put away my phone and through the white canopy, walk slightly to the left up a forest-green hill towards a crowd of teens under more lined up white canopies. I am now in the middle of the crowd pushing through. A beautiful girl, who I know is my friend, turns to me from up ahead and grabs hold my wrist. I push through with her help. MIKE! is a name yelled out in the crowd and I know they meant Chad. Chad and Mike are the same person. The crowd is there to see Mike. Upon the highest hill I am deep in the night. The school's building lights twinkle. The pond a computer-generated illusion. Then long heavy drops of rainwater slowly, orderly fall. I feel fear for I am now alone in a crowd of large men but then I take a deep breath a remember--its high school. Everyone here is a kid. I take long strides down the hill and as I reach the bottom I pull out my phone again. Chad's portrait is still on my phone but from this, I find out I am not the only with carrying a child. Another beautiful girl is pregnant with his kin. I am only ten weeks pregnant, I say in my head. I have time to abort the baby. I go to the bus stop where other kids wait. Maybe I should keep the baby because there is love involved. I look down and find Jerry chilling on the ground, one leg folded up while the other is stretched out. I should get an abortion, I say to myself as I continue looking at him. I am interested in learning about him--a person I do not know now. I am interested in learning more about someone I used to know as a child. As the bus arrives, Jerry gets up, wipes off his pants (I should maybe get an abortion, why not? I say to myself) and then I wake up.
Comments