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Carnales (after Terrance Hayes)

We’re like kids

           running under shooting 
           red fire hydrants,

us,     standing
in transparent tanks & heavy shorts
under our home’s gutter drain. 

“My turn,”
            I remember you say
but I don’t move.

Instead,
            I close my eyes &
            remember mom,     twirling

in her long denim-blue dress
           on our porch
                      under the rain.

Mom would take us
            outside in the rain
            to bathe

together,     wrapped in baby-soap suds;
            thunder & murky clouds
                        no longer frightening.

Under the gutter drain
you nudge my nine-year-old waist
with your seven-year-old hand.

I open my eyes
            & meet yours,
my love for you overflowing.

I moved aside
                for you
under the gutter drain,  

as mom moved
        on our small back porch, 
                    making space to twirl with her.

We never bathed in the rain again
but I remember feeling
                                    free as bird-- 

you always knew something
            about starling murmuration,
I’m just beginning to learn; 

I shouldn’t have moved aside, 
I should have 
                shared space 
with you.



(lyrics from As long as I've got you by The Charmels)

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