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te quiero mucho 'ma, te quiero mucho

It's not la hueva that kicks in
that makes me feel heavy--
                                 from my forehead
                                 to my belly button

blood is thicker than water
and though my heart yearns for you
my stomach churns

¿porque no vienes a visitar me?

I'm never able to tell you:

because I don't want to stay there long
because when I go I feel like I have to stay there forever
and all I've ever wanted to do is leave

I tell you to come with me
why don't you leave
your home behind

come and use that money,
and buy a place close to me,
come to me

but you won't come

you say your house is worth more
then what the brokers want to pay
you say you don't want a condominium
you will feel boxed in

you love your garden and your flowers and the roses and the mamey canopy and your lapiz lazuli stair rails and your black iron gate and your dried grapevines and I love them too and I love you
pero duele

duele ir a visitarte
sabiendo que,
que estas sola
duele ir a verte y verte triste
porque me tengo que ir
duele saber que tu hija, mi madre, es igual que yo--
                                                          que no quiere ir
                                                          que no quiere quedarse mucho tiempo
esa presion que sentimos
da dolor de 'stomago

da un dolor tan fuerte
que quiero vomitar

quiero vomitar y todo lo que vomito son
todas las cosas malas que me han pasado
todas las cosas de cuando yo era pequeña
todos los malos sentimientos
todas las malas palabras
todas las malas memorias

y aunque sigue yo vomitando y vomitado y vomitando y vomitando
nunca me voy a poder calmar
nunca me voy a poder sentir
                                     que todo va salir bien
                                     que al final se me va quitar este dolor de estomago
no se me va quitar
por eso te pido que ya no estes ahi
que te acerques mas aqui (to me)
acercate mas a mi
vente para 'ka

yo ya no quiero regresar
yo ya no quiero ir para 'ya
(I'm sorry)

I'm going to my grandmas house
I'm going to my grandmas house
the last link I have to the other world
she leaves to Mexico tomorrow, se vay ir en un avion
y yo se cuando llegue ahi, aunque con mucho calor, va 'star contenta
porque ella siempre a querido regresar
ella  construllo su casa grandisima
construyo su mansion--
                                 tiene un restauran en el primer pizo
                                 y cuantos cuartos en el segundo
ella quiere que vaya con ella para que me ensenye su casa
para que me ensenye la persona que esta en cargo
de los papeles de su casa
para que me ensenye la calle que la gente del pueblo nombraron en su nombre:
Avenida Carmen, Avenida Carmen, Colonia Carmen, los tulipanes

me hubiera gustado construir algo para ti 'ma
me hubiera gustado tenerte mas cerca a mi
me hubiera gustado que los niños te conocieran mejor
me hubiera gustado que los niños te conocieran como eres ahorita

yo no se porque dios es asi--
                                       que la gente buena que estubieron en los malos tiempos ayudando,
                                       ahora los quienes ayudaron--nostoros los sufridos-- no puedemos regresar
                                       a ellos
y no podemos regresar y no es por la hueva
no es por la hueva mama
es porque ahi donde estas/ese dolor/nunca a sanado

y yo no quiero regresar
y yo no te quiero ver triste
y yo no te quiero ver sola

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