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Dream of Rai

                                It was the first time I remember seeing him. I didn't remember having a son before Lucas. His name is Rai, but his family pronounce it Ray. He lives with his grandmother, young uncle, and his father. They all live in his grandmother's one bedroom condominium.

I've been to this place before. I had come here with Lucas. Rai's father had called me up from his balcony when he saw Lucas and I walking in front of his building. When we walked in the whole house was dark. The only places we were able to see were the living room and the bathroom.

Now, accompanied by no one, I see the dining room is used as a bedroom. I see a China cabinet, without its doors and without its sides, used as an open dresser. I see some folded shirts, pants, some clothes scattered around. I notice a neon yellow-green ninja turtle shirt- Lucas has one just like it. Rai is 6 or 7 going unto 8. His grandmother leaves to the store with his uncle. I stay in the house with Rai and his father but, his father is in the living room and he stays there throughout my visit. I feel a strong aura seeping from the living room door. Rai's father is very protective- may be reason why I didn't remember Rai. Maybe as soon as I had Rai, he took him away from me. I try to remember but, all the thinking I do brings up images that I really don't know are true or false.

Rai is happy to meet me. He is tall like his father. His head reaches the middle of my chest. His skin is a sweet caramel brown. His dark hair resembles a thin layer of a soft summer cloud. His  eyes are a deep dark brown that glisten with happiness when he grabs hold of my hand to show me around his grandmother's house. I don't notice that there is no noise. No sound of his voice, or anyone's voice. I just feel and see.  Rai doesn't question my absence. He enjoys showing me his dining/ bedroom with a queen size bed, the little vertical rectangular kitchen with its white cabinets and one large window. He points out the living room where his father stays. He points out his grandmother's bedroom. Then his grandmother and uncle come back from the store. The uncle, who looks very young, possibly early twenties, tells Rai to start getting ready to go home. Rai technically lives with his uncle. I let Rai let go of my hand so he could get ready. I stare at my surroundings in silence. All I can feel is Rai happily getting his things together.

I think about Rai's father, sitting in silence in his living/bedroom. I begin to remember our old high school grounds. A field of green with oldtown homes around the edges. All the students walking out- possibly for the end of the day. I remember standing by the side entrance of the building. I was looking for him. I spot him, Rai's father, running with something wrapped up in his arms. He was too far from me for me to go after him. Actually, I didn't feel like going after him. I just wanted to see him.

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