Yellow Notebook #1

spilled
splashed
me
On my fingers, on its tips
can it disguise me?
can it engulf the identity that I no longer be?
it feels safe and warm
but i see vast fields, i wish not to go
i want to turn, retrace my steps
but where did the road go?
did it ever lead anywhere?
did it mean
a pit-stop, a chill?
i miss its vibration against the inside of my skin
the spell it cast of never-ending unknown
my learning, not yours

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Dream #414

I was on a bus on my way to a new school, a high school on the south side of Chicago. I transferred to that school because I had moved into the area. The bus went south over a dark brick road bridge--it was dark because it was a gloomy day out--like the sky was heavy with rain. This new school was completely new--metal framework with floor-to-ceiling windows, open floors. The class body was mixed, with a majority being black and white students. I went to the second floor to wait in line at a check-in window. A very chatty boy behind me bumped into me and as I turned to look at him, we both felt an immediate attraction--we are both brown, we are both alternative. I'm reminded of my husband, I remembered I have a husband--maybe in that life or another--so I keep the boy in mind to feel less alone but ignore him as I wait in line. I'm outside in the vast woods that is the campus of the high school. There is a pond and there are green rolling hills of different sizes, all moving l...

everything, everything, In my mind

everything happens for a reason. We need to find out what that reason is. you can't fix anything until you fix what's already been broken. everything that is happening to you is all caused by things you've already done. the reason: trying to be just like him. you did what he did when we lived in the south side. your doing it because you want him to be proud of you, to love you; and in away, you also did it because he didn't love you. Because he thought you were useless. you are not. I always wondered why we are so different when we all grew up together. Maybe because the way we each perceive the world is different; the way we choose to cope is unique to that. THAT is something that is formed. We are the way we are, and the way our brain and soul perceive is the way we react in our worlds. We are each a time portal. Since we are walking it we can't really see where we are going. We need to see outside the box; in some else's shoes; from the outside in. W...

Carnales (after Terrance Hayes)

We’re like kids running under shooting red fire hydrants, us, standing in transparent tanks & heavy shorts under our home’s gutter drain. “My turn,” I remember you say but I don’t move. Instead, I close my eyes & remember mom, twirling in her long denim-blue dress on our porch under the rain. Mom would take us outside in the rain to bathe together, ...

La Pura Neta

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